Today is one of those days.

Slow day at work... causes one's mind to wander...

Wondering about purpose, things to come, love, character, and the list goes on.

It's just one of those days.

I wish it wasn't one of those days.

But God has a purpose for me.

He has a purpose for me not only when I feel like it, but when I'm in the lowest point of my life.

Is it true, I wonder?

Yes, God says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The Show Must Go On

This is how I felt yesterday: Too many things to think about, don't want to deal with anything. Life is so busy, and my mind isn't even here.

And the lunch-break came around. I went outside for a walk. I needed to get my car fixed, so I brought it to the shop and walked back to work. The clouds were ominous, hanging over town like they might just burst into rain. But there was also sun. There were ominous dark grey clouds, and in between those clouds there were little patches of sunny blue sky. It started to drizzle. Almost like a misty drizzle. You could hardly feel the rain because it was so faint, and yet when you felt your jacket it was soaked.

Yesterday's weather was a lot like how I was feeling. The rain clouds in my heart seemed so heavy and weighed on my soul. And yet, God was there. Like the sun peeking through the darkness, God was trying to show me that he was still there. The rain was refreshing. It wasn't a cold rain, but a crisp rain. It was like God's renewing rain was pouring down. Ever so softly, so it was hardly felt. But my skin was soaked from it. It was a beautiful picture of how I felt. And as I was walking back to work, I really felt God's presence and how he was with me. Even though my heart was aching, he was with me.

Psalm 13:5 says "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."

I choose to trust in God's unfailing love and rejoice in his salvation.

When the truth is I('ll) miss you...

My beautiful best friend. You mean so much to me. Since we became best friends, nothing, not even distance has come between us. And now you're leaving, and I'll be leaving. You are one of the people I will miss the most, and you happen to be the person that I won't see for the longest time out of everyone. We've been apart for a few months at a time, but not this long. And whenever I think about how long we'll be separated, I can't help but worry. You are truly the best friend I have ever had. You are so dear to me. I truly hope that this length of time and the distance between us won't put any strain on our friendship. You have been there for me through things that I thought I would always be alone on. You are so special. Such a beautiful and gentle spirit, you have. That has touched my heart. Your friendship has touched my heart. I will miss you so much, sweetie, but I know that when we get that rare chance to talk, it'll be as if no time has passed between us. It'll be so hard not to be able to talk with you as often, or laugh with you as often, or be our crazy selves as often... but I know that God is leading us in the directions we are going. He will take care of you. He will take care of me. And he holds our friendship in his hands. You are special, and God has amazing plans for you. And I will miss you so much! Sometimes I think that I'll miss you more than anyone else will. I don't think it's possible for anyone to miss you as much as I will. But, you will always always be in my heart and in my prayers. I love you, my dear Janelle.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Psalm 139:13-16

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

This verse has always been the closest to my heart. There are a few verses that I could list that would be considered close to my heart, but none closer than this one. Try and try as I might, I never seem to fully live by this verse. When I read this verse, I am constantly reminded that God created me uniquely and beautifully. I have been created- knit together- by a most precious and gentle creator. All my life I have struggled with self-worth. Am I a beautiful person? Am I lovely? Do people like me? Will I do anything extraordinary with my life? These questions have haunted my every step in life. Every day I face these questions. I have struggled with outward beauty more than inward beauty, I can honestly say. Always judging myself. And I noticed that when I judged myself, I would start to judge others. Comparing myself... even comparing myself to my best friend! I look at people and think "Oh, if only I had a body like hers" or "If only I was as proportioned as her" or "Wow, she definitely doesn't know how to dress to her body-type". On and on and on and on. It's this horrible cycle of judgement. Sometimes the judgement made me feel better about myself. But, most often, it made me hate myself even more.

But when I read this verse- this beautiful, RENEWING verse- I start to look at myself through God's eyes. And once I learn to do that, I start to realize that God isn't just saying all these amazing things about me. He is saying these reviving words to every woman and man, old or young, in the whole world. It's such an intimate, personal statement from God's heart. It captivates me every time I read it, because it is so intimate, and yet he is saying it to every one of his children. But, that doesn't make it any less personal. It makes it more personal. Because you start to realize that God not only created you so uniquely and beautifully, but he created every single person inside and out. He created in each person a different personality, a different DNA, a different way at looking at life, a different twinkle in their eye, not one thing the same in any two people. That is when I really learn to love people with the kind of love that God has for them. When I realize that he has created every person fearfully and wonderfully... in a different way.

4 MONTHS LEFT!

Well, as you know, I am leaving for Australia in a short time. To me, it doesn't seem very soon as of yet. But, I know the day will come quicker than expected! But today marks 4 short months before I'll be hopping on a plane for a two-day flight (or flights- plural) down to Aussi! I'm leaving on January 25th, 2007 and I'll be arriving in Sydney on January 27th. I'm going from Winnipeg to Minneapolis to L.A. to Fiji... then finally to Sydney! I'm sure by the time I get to Sydney, my body won't know what to do with itself. Australia is 15-16 hours ahead of Manitoba time... and that's confusing for my poor body. I'm sure the first few days of Cape will be a huge blur.

So, that's my Aussi fill-in for the day. 4 months left! Where has all this time gone?

God made us sisters, Hearts made us friends

Sisters are some of the most wonderful people God could've ever created. Every relationship between people is special in some way, because no two relationships are alike. You talk about different things, you joke about different things, you act a little differently, etc. Sisters are special. Their bond is like no other. Just like my bond with my sister, Bethany Jade. Wow... Bethany Jade. With such a beautiful name as that, she must be gorgeous! I bet you're saying that to yourself right now. And guess what! You're completely right! She's beautiful. She's so beautiful. The next time you see her, tell her that she's so beautiful. So often, as Christians, we tell ourselves to love people because of who they are on the inside. And, yes, that is so important. We need to love people for their hearts. But, sometimes we're so focussed on looking on the inside of a person, that we forget to tell them how beautiful they are ON THE OUTSIDE TOO!

HELLO! God didn't just create the inside of a person, he created their outward body too! And there is NOTHING wrong with celebrating that. So, anyways, I totally went off on a different tangent than I had planned. Back to the sister topic...

My sister is amazing. We have a most unique relationship. We're far enough apart in age to get along really well, and close enough in age to still have a lot of similarities in where we are in life. Bethany is great. We can go for a long time seeing each other not much more than just in the morning before we go to work or school, and still talk about deep issues when we finally get the time. It's like no time has passed since the last deep conversation. And when the two of us get together, we are SO crazy! We laugh alike, joke alike, say the same things, talk in (fake) different languages and ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND each other... and all that jazz. When people see us together, they know we're sisters. Well, that or they think we're straight from a mental institution. Close enough. We're so alike when we're together, but so incredibly different when we're running our own separate lives. It's weird, but it works. God has created us specially for each other. I couldn't have asked for a better sister. We're two peas in a pod, we are. I can't say that I've always appreciated my sister, sometimes I just get plain annoyed with her. But, we get over it. We move on. And I thank God for my sister. Because without her, life just wouldn't be as sweet. I love you Bethany. You will always hold a special place in my heart.

My Purpose

"Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, oh Lord, the God of truth"
Psalm 31:5

The Psalms contain some of my favourite verses in the Bible. You know why? Because they were written out of such honesty and desperation, at times. They came straight from the heart. And sometimes, being the good Christian I try to be... I like to avoid any harsh feelings I might feel toward God. I like to hide them in the depths of my heart. Always knowing they are there, but feeling like God doesn't really know they're there. Well, what do I know? Of course he knows they're there.

I want to be like David, a person after God's own heart. And you know why David was considered a man after God's own heart? Because he expressed the very depths of his own heart to God. He didn't hold back or hide. He got passionate about God, he got angry with God, he was totally in love with God, and he spoke out of such desperation with God. Sometimes we have to face our desperation and forget our pride and kneel before God with all that is within us and say, "Here it is God. Here I am. There may not be much here. I think I might've ruined every hope you ever had for me. But, here I am anyways."

When you're at that point in your life, which I know we all have been at, God works wonders. Because when we finally admit our faults and give up our pride, God is able to take control. I have struggled with control issues my entire life. And I mean my ENTIRE life. I've always been very VERY stubborn. I hated to admit that I was wrong. So, I usually didn't admit I was wrong. I would ignore people if they told me I was singing the wrong lyrics to a song. I would tell people that they were wrong when they said that the seeds on a strawberry were yellow and not black, like I believed they were. And I hated, more than ANYTHING, if someone told me I was stubborn. Oh, did I hate that.

But, I can now admit that I am stubborn. And always have been. I encourage myself daily to open my heart to what others say. Because I may think that being stubborn with people doesn't affect my relationship with God. But it does. I've had to face that fact many a time. If I am stubborn with others, I will be stubborn with God too. Once I open my heart to people, I can start to really open my heart to God. But, I've been realizing something even more important: once I start to open my heart to God, I can open my heart to people. Not necessarily conforming to their opinion, but letting God decide what is truth and what are just opinions. I want God's truth to reign in my life. I have to commit myself to him daily or I, rest assured, will get caught up in my own stubbornness and pride. I have to commit my spirit to him daily so that I can be a beacon of light to those around me. Amen

just a few pictures of my life...

now this beautiful lady standing next to me is my ultimate best friend. janelle (on the right). ain't she gorgeous? and she isn't just beautiful, she's brilliant too!

these are some of my best friends in the world. (standing left to right) trisha, kevin, and matthew, (sitting left to right) beverly, jesse, me, stephanie, and lana.

more pictures to come, i'm sure...

my first blog

hello blog lovers
this is my first post as a blogger. i hope to be a part of the group. i hope to keep up with this blogger because i'm not always too good at it. but, i love looking at other people's blogs... so maybe that'll inspire me. and i really wanted to start a blogger before i go to australia. i'm going to australia at the end of january. australia. ah yes. in a little over 4 months. so, basically i'm just posting something right now so i have something to work with. enjoy!