so... it's been a while, hey?

hey fellow bloggers.
i guess i'm not much of a fellow blogger... but i do follow yours every now and then. but i am definitely not a faithful writer like many of you are. wow, it's actually been almost a year. i figured i'd try this out again (probably won't write for another year... maybe more, maybe less), and then realized i probably had forgotten my sign-in name and password. but obviously, since i'm writing this now, i remembered it.
so... my life in the past year, hey? hmm... well, actually the last post was a story about nannying... and i'm actually going to be finished nannying at the end of may. sad actually. but, these past few days (or weeks...) i've been counting down the days. i don't think i've ever had a temper until i started nannying. it's amazing how roller-coastery a day can be when you're a nanny/stay-at-home mom. one minute you're ready to give the kid to a stranger and say, "here, you keep him", and the next minute you're laughing your butt of at their adorable antics. i love those kids, and it's going to be one of the hardest things i've done in my life thus far to leave them. but i'm not their mother. but i will definitely have to see them once a week after i do finish there... it'll be a withdrawal for both them and me! but as difficult as they've been lately (or as impatient as i've been lately... maybe a bit of both), it's going to be so incredibly tough to hand them over to another nanny. i am jealous of whoever their new nanny is going to be. and you're probably asking, "well, then why are you leaving?" it's time to go. that's why. it's my time to do something new, something different. just because it's going to be so hard, doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do.
in other news... i'm in a play this weekend. a musical. it's been interesting. i've never done a true musical with all the choreography and singing and all that jazz. people have asked me in the past if i'd like to be in a musical because i can sing and act. and for whatever reason, i didn't think i'd be a huge fan of doing a musical... i like keeping singing and acting separate. but i thought i'd give it a try since i'd never done it before. and i'm only in the chorus, so i don't have too much to worry about (other than an immense amount of choreography and then remembering to sing at the same time, on top of that). and you know what? my initial feeling about musicals is now justified. i'm in a musical... and it's definitely a challenge and it is fun. but i don't think i'll do it again. it's just not my cup of tea. it's coming together (well, it better be, because it's in two days)... but i think one's enough for me. i'm in the chorus, so i'm not a lead character... and i'll admit, i don't like that. i don't like being center-stage in life, but on stage... i do. so, it'll be a fun and extremely exhausting weekend, but to be honest, i will be glad when it's over. and i have no idea what i'll do with all my spare time. since just after christmas i've been rehearsing for matt falk's show "jaws" which we performed easter weekend, and halfway through rehearsing for "jaws" we started rehearsing for footloose (the musical i'm in)... and in the last few weeks it's been 3 rehearsals per week. so it's been a bit busy... and i haven't really felt i've had time for much else. but soon... oh so soon...
now that you know what i'm up to... i guess i can get a bit deeper now, hey? i don't really like doing that, but i probably should. maybe i'll just go for it! woo! haha. no, being vulnerable is definitely not my cup of tea (just like musicals! except even more so). oh well. so... God's been working on my heart lately. well, he always is. but sometimes i feel that it takes a really long time. i guess because i get busy to get my mind off things, i don't actually address them. but sometimes even if i have the time to address them, i think i hold onto certain feelings that i really should let go of. does anyone else do this? God's definitely healed my heart of many hurts... and he's forgiven me for things that sometimes i don't think i've forgiven myself for. and some of these hurts last for years. and sometimes i'm reminded of my wrongdoings for years too. and it sucks to live that way. this weekend, maranatha did a sort of "open" service on saturday evening. it was crazy! the worship really spoke to me, and we were all called to the front of the church to kneel before God... kneeling before God always gets me. i feel more humbled when i'm kneeling before God. and toward the end of the service (there wasn't really an official end... but toward when i left...) peter said that one way to worship God is to pray for each other... and hold each other up in prayer. and i was praying with my aussie friend who came out for a visit... and we prayed... but before we did, i just told her that i really didn't feel like bringing up stuff to pray for... i didn't feel like bringing up hurts or issues in my life to pray for. but maybe i feel like talking about it now. so here goes... i have a real hurt in my heart. God's been healing it slowly, and i know that he'll heal it fully. he doesn't leave pieces missing. but my heart's been hurting a bit lately. and that's as deep as i feel like going today.
well... it's been a slice! i don't think that was worth the year-long wait... but i wrote nonetheless! hope you enjoyed it! maybe i'll even write again soon! maybe not...
-kristen-