My Purpose

"Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, oh Lord, the God of truth"
Psalm 31:5

The Psalms contain some of my favourite verses in the Bible. You know why? Because they were written out of such honesty and desperation, at times. They came straight from the heart. And sometimes, being the good Christian I try to be... I like to avoid any harsh feelings I might feel toward God. I like to hide them in the depths of my heart. Always knowing they are there, but feeling like God doesn't really know they're there. Well, what do I know? Of course he knows they're there.

I want to be like David, a person after God's own heart. And you know why David was considered a man after God's own heart? Because he expressed the very depths of his own heart to God. He didn't hold back or hide. He got passionate about God, he got angry with God, he was totally in love with God, and he spoke out of such desperation with God. Sometimes we have to face our desperation and forget our pride and kneel before God with all that is within us and say, "Here it is God. Here I am. There may not be much here. I think I might've ruined every hope you ever had for me. But, here I am anyways."

When you're at that point in your life, which I know we all have been at, God works wonders. Because when we finally admit our faults and give up our pride, God is able to take control. I have struggled with control issues my entire life. And I mean my ENTIRE life. I've always been very VERY stubborn. I hated to admit that I was wrong. So, I usually didn't admit I was wrong. I would ignore people if they told me I was singing the wrong lyrics to a song. I would tell people that they were wrong when they said that the seeds on a strawberry were yellow and not black, like I believed they were. And I hated, more than ANYTHING, if someone told me I was stubborn. Oh, did I hate that.

But, I can now admit that I am stubborn. And always have been. I encourage myself daily to open my heart to what others say. Because I may think that being stubborn with people doesn't affect my relationship with God. But it does. I've had to face that fact many a time. If I am stubborn with others, I will be stubborn with God too. Once I open my heart to people, I can start to really open my heart to God. But, I've been realizing something even more important: once I start to open my heart to God, I can open my heart to people. Not necessarily conforming to their opinion, but letting God decide what is truth and what are just opinions. I want God's truth to reign in my life. I have to commit myself to him daily or I, rest assured, will get caught up in my own stubbornness and pride. I have to commit my spirit to him daily so that I can be a beacon of light to those around me. Amen