some bittersweet news

alas, this sunday marks the end of my employment at country snacks gas bar. i'm very happy about this, and yet sad. because i really enjoyed working there. i didn't enjoy going from a full day of work straight to another job, but i love the people! i loved working with my co-workers. i loved the customers that came in. i loved working for my bosses. it was good. but, as most things do, this must come to an end. i need to go home for an evening. spend time with my family. spend time with friends. so, it's a bittersweet event, but all in all i think it'll be worth it. yes, i will have less money coming in for australia... but i think i'll survive. yes, i will. happily, as a matter of fact. no more standing in the cold pumping gas, no more touque-flattened hair, no more gas smell, no more eating junk food constantly... it's a good thing. a great thing.

the other day, someone wrote me a myspace message... someone who i've known for quite some time from afar, but never really met. he's from niverville and he's a few years older than me. and he comes to snacks regularly. he sent me a message one cold, winter night after he had visited snacks... saying "thank you" for pumping his gas in the frigid cold. that made it worthwhile. i found that very special. i like people. they are great. this just proved that.

can't think of a title

wow, it appears that i haven't had much to say in the last couple weeks.
weird.
i'm usually not at a loss for words.
well, to be honest, it's not because i haven't had much to say. just no time to say it.
but i have something to say now.
i'm going to australia in t-minus 51 days... which is just under two months. and... the job opening for my position at nutri-health group has now been filled. it will be great to have someone with me to train for a few weeks. nice to have company at this lonely desk of mine.
but it's more sad than anything.
i am replaceable.
i've grown to love my job (well, i loved it from the start). what i mean is that i've grown protective of my job. it's mine. this is a huge part of my life. nutri-health group is the place that i spend most of my time (well, the longest lengths at one time in a day, that is). i've made achievements in my job. the work-load has increased since i started working there. and i've been able to keep up with it. everyone is used to hearing my voice on the phone when they call. i have the ability to give nutri-health group a good first impression to those who call. and i am giving all this away to someone who will replace me. someone who is very capable of the job. someone who will make her mark on the company and become close to those same people i've become close to. someone who will replace me.
it makes me sad, that's all.
as i'm sure a lot of you know from past blogs, i have always dealt with fear. and i have only lately realized what another major fear of mine is. the fear of being replaceable. with friends, jobs, boys... i've always been afraid of being forgotten and replaced. with something or someone better. someone more exciting. more funny. more friendly. more beautiful. more of anything that i might not be. more of something i lack.
that's what i deal with. both now and in the past. right now it's just grown apparent to me that it's something i deal with. but, this too shall pass.