can't think of a title
wow, it appears that i haven't had much to say in the last couple weeks.
weird.
i'm usually not at a loss for words.
well, to be honest, it's not because i haven't had much to say. just no time to say it.
but i have something to say now.
i'm going to australia in t-minus 51 days... which is just under two months. and... the job opening for my position at nutri-health group has now been filled. it will be great to have someone with me to train for a few weeks. nice to have company at this lonely desk of mine.
but it's more sad than anything.
i am replaceable.
i've grown to love my job (well, i loved it from the start). what i mean is that i've grown protective of my job. it's mine. this is a huge part of my life. nutri-health group is the place that i spend most of my time (well, the longest lengths at one time in a day, that is). i've made achievements in my job. the work-load has increased since i started working there. and i've been able to keep up with it. everyone is used to hearing my voice on the phone when they call. i have the ability to give nutri-health group a good first impression to those who call. and i am giving all this away to someone who will replace me. someone who is very capable of the job. someone who will make her mark on the company and become close to those same people i've become close to. someone who will replace me.
it makes me sad, that's all.
as i'm sure a lot of you know from past blogs, i have always dealt with fear. and i have only lately realized what another major fear of mine is. the fear of being replaceable. with friends, jobs, boys... i've always been afraid of being forgotten and replaced. with something or someone better. someone more exciting. more funny. more friendly. more beautiful. more of anything that i might not be. more of something i lack.
that's what i deal with. both now and in the past. right now it's just grown apparent to me that it's something i deal with. but, this too shall pass.
weird.
i'm usually not at a loss for words.
well, to be honest, it's not because i haven't had much to say. just no time to say it.
but i have something to say now.
i'm going to australia in t-minus 51 days... which is just under two months. and... the job opening for my position at nutri-health group has now been filled. it will be great to have someone with me to train for a few weeks. nice to have company at this lonely desk of mine.
but it's more sad than anything.
i am replaceable.
i've grown to love my job (well, i loved it from the start). what i mean is that i've grown protective of my job. it's mine. this is a huge part of my life. nutri-health group is the place that i spend most of my time (well, the longest lengths at one time in a day, that is). i've made achievements in my job. the work-load has increased since i started working there. and i've been able to keep up with it. everyone is used to hearing my voice on the phone when they call. i have the ability to give nutri-health group a good first impression to those who call. and i am giving all this away to someone who will replace me. someone who is very capable of the job. someone who will make her mark on the company and become close to those same people i've become close to. someone who will replace me.
it makes me sad, that's all.
as i'm sure a lot of you know from past blogs, i have always dealt with fear. and i have only lately realized what another major fear of mine is. the fear of being replaceable. with friends, jobs, boys... i've always been afraid of being forgotten and replaced. with something or someone better. someone more exciting. more funny. more friendly. more beautiful. more of anything that i might not be. more of something i lack.
that's what i deal with. both now and in the past. right now it's just grown apparent to me that it's something i deal with. but, this too shall pass.
posted by kristen @ 6.12.06
4 Comments:
At December 7, 2006 at 10:18 p.m.,
Roo said…
ahh yes, change.
change is hard.
but though every job may be replaceable - YOU are not.
you are a unique - never been seen before design. there is only ONE KRISTEN and she shall not be replaced. not EVER.
At December 8, 2006 at 10:14 a.m.,
Anonymous said…
AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! ruth you stole my line!!
i WAS going to say:
"your JOB is replaceable, but YOU, my dear kristen, are NOT"
but now it just looks like i'm copying ruth...but i had to say it because it's true:)
love you kristen.
At December 8, 2006 at 12:14 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
PS: last night i had a dream that you were training me to do your job while you are in Austrailia.
:)
Oh Steph - your SOOOOO original. :P~
At December 8, 2006 at 11:00 p.m.,
jb said…
hey kristen, i know exactly how you feel... i've struggled with those same feelings for most of my life.
and just to encourage you, the BESTEST job in the whole wide world is being a wife and a mother!! why, you ask? well, because the adoration received from a husband and child assures me that i could NEVER be replaced.
someday you'll experience this...
until then, kristen, know that there are many (!) out there that feel you are irreplaceable to them. me included.
=)
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