.just breathe.

blessings

2009-06-30T19:45:00.007-05:00

can you believe it? 2 posts, 2 days in a row! what's going on? well, i can assure you it won't happen often.

i just want to write about how i'm blessed. i was thinking after my last post that i'd like to write a positive blog. i'm tired of complaining (in my own mind... and written on my blog), and it makes me sad when other people write sad or downer blogs... so i will go against that. right now.

i am blessed. freaking blessed. here's why:

1. i have a great family- first, my parents: they have set an amazing example for me. they have dedicated their lives to God and serving him in every way. they are very practical and that helps me to think of ways i can serve God practically as well. i often walk into our family room and either or both of my parents are there reading the Bible. they are very faithful; to God, to each other, to their family, to others... and they put their faith into practice. they've taught me what a healthy marriage should look like. now my siblings: i wouldn't trade you for the world! over the last few years i have had some really great conversations with my brother eric. we've discussed so many things... things you wouldn't think you'd discuss with your brother. his outlook on life and how he talks so openly of his love for God inspires me. and he is so devoted to his wife and their life together. my sister bethany is my other half. we share everything... literally. we share each others' things, we share a sense of humour, we share everything that's going on in our lives, and we have our fair share of arguments (although, they've been fewer and farther between as the years go on). i love my sister. she's my best friend. and now for my new sister melodie! it's great having another sister. you fit in right away. it's great that we've known each other our whole lives as friends, and now it's even more special because we're sisters. your kind heart is a blessing to me, and also inspires me.

2. my friends- i love you guys. i'm not going to single anyone out. but there are many friends that i feel very close with, and there are many friends that i feel close to, but maybe not as close as others. you all know who you are and where you fit in! and whether i'm very close with you or kind of close with you, you are so crazy special to me! i have friends i went to school with, who helped me through all those years of "change". i only have a few friends from school whom i still keep in contact with, and you are precious to me. i have friends i met while in australia and you also saw me truly grow in my relationship with God. these friends also encouraged me to make that relationship with God my own. i love and miss you guys. i have friends i've made through theatre and film. many i don't see or talk with much anymore- but they helped me grow in a talent and passion of mine. and for those who i still see from that group, you are very special to me and i'm glad for all the fun times we've had and will have! i have friends that i've made since coming home from australia (1.5 years ago)- most of whom i knew beforehand, but kind of from a distance. you are very dear to me. there were times that i didn't want to get to know these friends because of the transition from bible school to "real life". but you all pursued me. thank you. you've seen my ups and downs since capernwray (although i try very hard to hide them... with some success?) and you've stuck by me. i appreciate you guys. many friends made over many years... wow... you guys are amazing.

3. my health- i'm blessed to have good health. i know i take advantage of this since i'm young. i do some stupid things to my body, but luckily it hasn't had much affect as of yet. i know i'll have to learn to take better care of my body for future years! but i appreciate my body's ability to bounce back. i haven't always appreciated the body i was given- as i've struggled for many years with self-image issues and anorexia. but as i grow in my relationship with God, i've really learned to love who he has made me. he made me just how he wanted to- quirks and all, curves and all, lack-of-height and all, flaws and all (that i'm working on daily, of course). and God does not make mistakes. and i've been learning to accept who HE says i am. i am his, i am loved, and i am fearfully and wondefully made. and so are YOU! so, yay for young bodies that can deal with the crap we put them through! now i've got to learn how to treat it right because it won't be young forever!

4. my situation- my parents have provided our family with a pretty sweet set-up. we've always had family holidays. we've always had nice new things. as siblings, we've always been able to ask for help and received more than needed from our parents. not that "stuff" is important in and of itself at all. but i'm just thankful that my parents thought ahead and were able to provide for us as a family- in the areas of love and money. honestly, i couldn't really care less if we didn't have the nice things we have, or if we had to put all our money and means together to go on a family holiday, or if i was completely on my own to save money for post-secondary school... but i am very thankful for what i have, and how my parents have provided.

5. God's grace and sacrifice- God, you above everyone inspire me the most. that you had, have, and will continue to have the grace to deal with not only me, but everyone on this earth is the biggest blessing of all. the sacrifice you made for our lives speaks of your unconditional, undying love for us. that you would give your life for me, a girl who continually goes against your good, pleasing, and perfect will... God, i can't begin to put into words how much that means to me. i know i don't do enough to demonstrate your awesome love to this sad world... but i'm learning and growing... and as you teach me and i get to know your heart, it just makes me want to learn and grow more! and it makes me want to show off my awesome God to everyone around me! your grace is sufficient, and your sacrifice was enough to save my life. i want people to see what you've done in me... in the heart of a stubborn girl who hates being vulnerable and transparent. i want the faith of a child to trust you with all my heart, believing that you have the best in mind for my life. i could say so much more to try to thank you for every single thing you've done in my life... but i know that this will actually go on forever if i do that (and it will go on forever in my heart, as i continue to thank you for what you've done and what you are doing and what you will do). oh God, you amaze me. thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. you are more than enough for me, Lord. you are my heart's desire.

i am blessed. told you so.

j'aime la vie

2009-06-29T22:58:00.003-05:00

there's no purpose posting this picture other than the knowledge that pictures make posts more interesting. it's the truth, admit it. but that being said, i do like this picture. the day i took this picture, this rainbow actually stretched across the sky in a complete arch... you could see the whole thing. didn't last too long, but it was beautiful.

moving on... so, the title of this post is "j'aime la vie"... for you who don't know french that means "i like/love life." i'll say that i like life. i love living, but i like life. don't read into that too much. i'm pretty content right now. i've had lots to smile about lately. i just spent a good weekend away camping in st. malo with family, working outside has been nice (although i don't always enjoy the work, to be honest), getting to know friends and family better is a real blessing (i really appreciate you guys), summer is a great season, and God is goooooooooooooooooooood. not just good, but gooooooooooooooooooood. i could definitely be doing a better job at getting to know his heart and spend more time with him... yeah, i'll be honest with that. i get pretty caught up in the craziness of life most of the time. but i really enjoy talking with God and sharing my heart with him... and just being quiet and letting him speak to me. he speaks in many ways though, and i'm still learning to decipher what is him and what is me... or others. but that's part of the adventure, right?

so, usually i start writing not knowing what to say, but just writing because i need to keep my "followers" entertained. i know i haven't written in a while, so i should write something! that's why my thoughts are all over the place. and i don't feel like sleeping yet, so i'm writing. this weekend i went camping with my family (and my mom's side of the family... those who could make it, that is). it was a horrible weekend to go camping weather-wise but we stuck with it. true sawatzky's. and i definitely spent some time in a bad mood because it was wet and cold and i was bored because i don't like games and that seems like that's all one can do when you're stuck inside and hate trudging through massive puddles to go for a walk... i know that's a run-on sentence. shhhhh. but that was just for a bit of the time. so aside from the "short" time i was in a bad mood, here's what i did this weekend: i had a great talk with my cousin jill, whom i'm very close with, i spent a lot of quality indoor time with cousins who felt the same way about the wet, cold outdoors (which was most), read some of a book, played with my cousin carly's hair (she's a dear... knows how much i dislike playing games, so she let me play hairdresser!), ate way too much food and did way too little exercise, actually played dominoes 3 times (be proud people), and really enjoyed the weekend overall as i was with my amazing family. it was a really good time. our extended family is pretty close, and i'm really blessed by that. not many extended families are close like my sawatzky side is. they are amazing people. it's just incredible what God can do with the lives of people... if we're willing. so, to all my sawatzky family: you bless me... and i had a great time with you this weekend.

so... going back to my last post... i still don't quite know what to do with myself... and this past week and weekend have shed a bit of light in that area. but it's still unclear. that's alright though. i'm feeling less nervous about it and more excited to see what God can do with me. yeesh. luckily he's patient. there has been a lot to smile about for me lately though. it's weird how i'm learning that even though i hate giving control over to God (even knowing that he'll do a better job with my life than i ever could!), i feel peace, excitement, joy, anticipation, and a huge reason to smile when i do surrender. weird. but wonderful.

well, that's what i'm going through right now... at this very moment. til next time...

i just don't know WHAT to do with myself...

2009-06-02T19:18:00.005-05:00

it's true... i just don't know what to do.

not just today. it's not like i'm bored and don't know what to do this evening (although, i am bored, and i'm just filling time by writing this... but putting that aside...). i mean, i just don't know what to do. i'm thinking about the fall, and there are a few options out there for what to do. i'm not going to get into what the options are, because i don't know what to choose... and i don't want people's opinions to sort of make up my mind for me. but that being said, i still do wish someone could make up my mind for me! i'm not being an indecisive girl about all this... i just don't know what's best right now. but i do want to do what's wise.

i don't feel God saying do this or do that. but i am seeking him in it. a lot. i've been going for walks, enjoying his presence in nature... and it really helps me to keep focused. and i'm constantly telling myself, "it's ok. it's ok not to know what's going to happen. it's ok that i just don't know." and that's true. it is ok. but that doesn't always make it easier as a worrisome human being.

i want to go away and be adventurous... but i don't want to leave the friends i've gotten so close to. and bethany just got home. i want to hang out with her now! but i'm not sure i'd be satisfied just sticking around. i'd feel not-so-adventurous. i have been dealing a lot with my fear of being boring. no, not being bored. being boring. i'm scared of living a boring life, being a boring person, and having a boring personality. it's something i'm working at. it's something i'm bringing to God a lot. so i'm scared that by sticking around and working some kind of job to save money for my future will label me as a boring person. so, there's that.

but i know that i need to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. and in all my ways i need to acknowledge him and he will direct my path.

i was just encouraged by this picture i found. i took it years ago when i went as a "mentor" on a maranatha youth camping trip. it's gorgeous, it's nature, the suns rays are shining through the clouds... it's a hopeful picture. and i'm a hopeful person. and my hope is in you, God.

guess who's back!!!!!!!

2009-05-27T00:08:00.003-05:00

you got it! bethany jade is back in canada. well, she's been here for about a week... but you know how i am with the latest news... a little slow on the uptake... but she's back, and it... is... awesome.

2009-05-23T18:52:00.000-05:00

God is good.

but seriously. he is so good.

2009-05-18T01:26:00.002-05:00

going back to what i was saying in my last post... this picture makes me both smile and laugh... every single time i see it. this is the love of my life. he can also be the frustration of my life. but that seems to dissolve whenever i see this picture.

smiling is good for you

2009-05-18T01:07:00.005-05:00

didn't take me too long this time, hey? point for me.

i like those days that just make you smile. or even just little moments that you can think of afterward and just smile about. and every time, it makes you smile. i had a good evening with my friend char tonight, and the things we talked about (not all, but certain things) just made me smile. and a lot of the silly things we did definitely made me smile. man, i love the little quirks everyone has. i'm a very detail-oriented person... and i definitely take note of people's quirks, random comments, speech mistakes... any tiny little thing you think goes unnoticed is probably caught by me. but worry not! it makes my day... and it makes me laugh... and it makes me smile from ear to ear! i love it!

anyway, i like smiling. and i've been having a lot of those moments lately. i mean, i love to smile anyway. but i've been having a lot of those moments that always make you smile when you think back on them. and even now just thinking about it makes me smile. aww. oh life. oh the ups and downs.

but you know what they say, "laughter is the best medicine." and there's always a smile involved in a laugh...

so... it's been a while, hey?

2009-04-29T19:28:00.004-05:00

hey fellow bloggers.
i guess i'm not much of a fellow blogger... but i do follow yours every now and then. but i am definitely not a faithful writer like many of you are. wow, it's actually been almost a year. i figured i'd try this out again (probably won't write for another year... maybe more, maybe less), and then realized i probably had forgotten my sign-in name and password. but obviously, since i'm writing this now, i remembered it.
so... my life in the past year, hey? hmm... well, actually the last post was a story about nannying... and i'm actually going to be finished nannying at the end of may. sad actually. but, these past few days (or weeks...) i've been counting down the days. i don't think i've ever had a temper until i started nannying. it's amazing how roller-coastery a day can be when you're a nanny/stay-at-home mom. one minute you're ready to give the kid to a stranger and say, "here, you keep him", and the next minute you're laughing your butt of at their adorable antics. i love those kids, and it's going to be one of the hardest things i've done in my life thus far to leave them. but i'm not their mother. but i will definitely have to see them once a week after i do finish there... it'll be a withdrawal for both them and me! but as difficult as they've been lately (or as impatient as i've been lately... maybe a bit of both), it's going to be so incredibly tough to hand them over to another nanny. i am jealous of whoever their new nanny is going to be. and you're probably asking, "well, then why are you leaving?" it's time to go. that's why. it's my time to do something new, something different. just because it's going to be so hard, doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do.
in other news... i'm in a play this weekend. a musical. it's been interesting. i've never done a true musical with all the choreography and singing and all that jazz. people have asked me in the past if i'd like to be in a musical because i can sing and act. and for whatever reason, i didn't think i'd be a huge fan of doing a musical... i like keeping singing and acting separate. but i thought i'd give it a try since i'd never done it before. and i'm only in the chorus, so i don't have too much to worry about (other than an immense amount of choreography and then remembering to sing at the same time, on top of that). and you know what? my initial feeling about musicals is now justified. i'm in a musical... and it's definitely a challenge and it is fun. but i don't think i'll do it again. it's just not my cup of tea. it's coming together (well, it better be, because it's in two days)... but i think one's enough for me. i'm in the chorus, so i'm not a lead character... and i'll admit, i don't like that. i don't like being center-stage in life, but on stage... i do. so, it'll be a fun and extremely exhausting weekend, but to be honest, i will be glad when it's over. and i have no idea what i'll do with all my spare time. since just after christmas i've been rehearsing for matt falk's show "jaws" which we performed easter weekend, and halfway through rehearsing for "jaws" we started rehearsing for footloose (the musical i'm in)... and in the last few weeks it's been 3 rehearsals per week. so it's been a bit busy... and i haven't really felt i've had time for much else. but soon... oh so soon...
now that you know what i'm up to... i guess i can get a bit deeper now, hey? i don't really like doing that, but i probably should. maybe i'll just go for it! woo! haha. no, being vulnerable is definitely not my cup of tea (just like musicals! except even more so). oh well. so... God's been working on my heart lately. well, he always is. but sometimes i feel that it takes a really long time. i guess because i get busy to get my mind off things, i don't actually address them. but sometimes even if i have the time to address them, i think i hold onto certain feelings that i really should let go of. does anyone else do this? God's definitely healed my heart of many hurts... and he's forgiven me for things that sometimes i don't think i've forgiven myself for. and some of these hurts last for years. and sometimes i'm reminded of my wrongdoings for years too. and it sucks to live that way. this weekend, maranatha did a sort of "open" service on saturday evening. it was crazy! the worship really spoke to me, and we were all called to the front of the church to kneel before God... kneeling before God always gets me. i feel more humbled when i'm kneeling before God. and toward the end of the service (there wasn't really an official end... but toward when i left...) peter said that one way to worship God is to pray for each other... and hold each other up in prayer. and i was praying with my aussie friend who came out for a visit... and we prayed... but before we did, i just told her that i really didn't feel like bringing up stuff to pray for... i didn't feel like bringing up hurts or issues in my life to pray for. but maybe i feel like talking about it now. so here goes... i have a real hurt in my heart. God's been healing it slowly, and i know that he'll heal it fully. he doesn't leave pieces missing. but my heart's been hurting a bit lately. and that's as deep as i feel like going today.
well... it's been a slice! i don't think that was worth the year-long wait... but i wrote nonetheless! hope you enjoyed it! maybe i'll even write again soon! maybe not...
-kristen-

the joys of being a nanny

2008-06-13T11:40:00.000-05:00

yesterday was a great day. and i'm being completely serious. i had a great time with the boys, and they were awesome... even after a very long week of nannying. we had fun.

however, it got really interesting after wyatt came out of his room after his nap... and said a few horrifying words... "kissten, i have poop on my hands and my rocking chair"

oh no.

oh yes, there was definitely a lot of poo EVERYWHERE! all over his comforter (luckily not under his sheets too though), rubbed into his rocking chair (he decided it was best to wipe his hands on the rocking chair... and it's not wooden... no, it's fabric), on his hands and his back, and a bit on his floor and his change table.

oh dear. where do i even start? i thought to myself.

but thank the lord for high chairs, happy children, and folex.

the kids were super happy yesterday (thank goodness!), and evan was content to sit in a high chair for over half an hour (i'm sure) while i cleaned up (there was no way i was going to let him roam free while i cleaned). and wyatt was totally thrilled to play by himself and randomly ask me, "kissten, you still keening (cleaning)?" "kissten, can i come in my room yet?" he was very content as well. and i was laughing the whole time, because... well, it was funny! totally gross, but very very funny.

so... that was my adventure yesterday. wow. i love those kids. no matter what gifts they leave for me in their diaper or spread all around their room.

my new friend

2008-05-29T13:48:00.004-05:00

i named him shaun... after my dad. i think it's a pretty solid name for a cat.

i was hoping one day i would get a duck... and i was planning on naming him shaun, but i don't think i'll get a duck for some time... so i named my kitten shaun instead.

shaun mcmahon... that's got a nice ring to it.

...speaking in riddles...

2008-05-21T22:08:00.002-05:00

i wonder wonder wonder
how long you will wander
my friend
when will you be you again?
i miss you, the real you
please come back
come back come back
but while you're gone
please take care
i'll be here
always will i be here
just waiting and praying
praying praying praying
my friend
i miss you
come back to me

2008-05-15T22:05:00.002-05:00

it's great getting together with someone you haven't really talked to since high school. sucks that you haven't talked to them since then, but it's good to finally do it.
i did that today. had coffee with a long lost friend of mine. wow, it was good.
the coffee was too! mmm, coffee.
i do wish i was better at staying in contact with people. but i think i have been getting a bit better. it's just hard... because we live in a selfish world where everything, obviously, revolves around oneself. and i'm no exception. but it's awesome to just go outside of yourself once and a while (well, more than that, hopefully) and experience it. all in all, it's good to have friends... it's good to keep in contact with friends... it's good to not be selfish... and it's good to experience all that life has to offer. wait a sec, i change my statement: all that GOD has to offer.
you know, i'm not the religious sort of christian that feels like i have to relate everything back to God and all that. but i've been alive long enough (not long long, but long enough) to know that he is good. he is real. his grace is sufficient. he has the most amazing plan for my life that even i couldn't dream up (and i'm quite the dreamer). he... is... so... good! can i say it any plainer?
wow, this is going somewhere that i wasn't even planning on. what's the deal?
anyway... back on track. i'm not one to just say, for the sake of being a christian and saying "christian" things, that God is good and he has more to offer than just life itself. but i've experienced a selfish life that i tried to lead on my own... and you know what? it wasn't fulfilling. at all. it was totally destructive to myself and every relationship with anyone i knew. and when i live for more than just me, HOLY COW! it's so so so much more fulfilling!
seriously! i've learned just from nannying... that you yourself CANNOT always be number one. i know, i know. it's hard to take. but when i got home from australia in december... it was good just to hang out and BE for a while. but then i got bored. and it was all about me and how i felt unproductive after such an amazing and productive year. then i started nannying. and these children have just totally turned that around. i am not number one when i'm with them. i can't be! i'd be horrible at my job if i considered myself first as a nanny. wow, God's just totally revealed that to me as i've been nannying (actually... he just revealed that to me right now as i'm writing this).
anyway, don't know where i'm going with this, but it's just been encouraging to me to live for more than just myself. i hope it's visible. i hope that you know how much you mean to me and how much i want to put you before me. you are the world to me. and i want to bless you like you have blessed me.
i'm usually not this long-winded. i like to keep my thoughts to myself. but i just wanted to say thanks. yeah. that's where i was going with this.

life is funny

2008-04-30T21:53:00.003-05:00

so, today i was nannying... and caroline (the mother) told me a story of something that happened 10 minutes after i left yesterday.
they have this dog, who is very old and will likely die soon. it's sad. and they're very sad about it. so, caroline was talking to her sister on the phone after i left yesterday, and was crying about the situation with their dog.
then wyatt (2.5 years old) comes up to her and strokes her on the back, and tries to comfort her by saying, "it's ok mom, kristen's coming back..." (thinking she was crying about me leaving!)

oh, children are amazing. that story definitely made me feel good about myself. oh dear, so cute.

just feel like posting i guess

2008-04-28T22:23:00.002-05:00

hey family.
or whatever.
i'm super tired, and really hungry (or something), but i feel like doing a little something on the computer. not even sure what to write about to be honest. just feel like writing.
wow, what should i write about?
who is bored enough to read this? sorry if it's you... i didn't mean that you have no life.
maybe i should just pick a topic to write about... now...
so, my cousins jill and danae were just over. it's been about a year and a half since the three of us were together last. wow. i was in australia for a year, and danae just got back from over half a year across the world in various places, and we left jill here to fend for herself... but alas, today was the first day that we were ALL together again. the terrific trio returns. watch out world. so, the three of us have grown up together. we've always been there for each other. we can tell each other everything... really, no matter what, there's no judgment on anyone's part... we just listen. it's one of those great relationships that just picks up where we left off. no worries if it's been months, weeks, or just days. in this case, it's been a year and a half... well, not technically, because there's facebook and emails and stuff. but who counts technicalities anyway?
wow, all 3 of us have grown in crazy ways this last year. and it's great to see that in each other. and it's great to catch up after being apart for so long.
i don't really feel like going into details. so... i won't!
anyway, i was in a play this last weekend... we rehearsed for about a month+. not much more. it was good to act again. finally. and it's also good to be not acting now... i actually have a couple free evenings during the week. so, now i get to catch up on some much needed resting time. but yeah, it was good to act again, as i was saying. that's what i love to do... and i missed it while i was in australia. and then coming back and feeling sort of purposeless for a while... it was nice to have that purpose again. and now nannying... there's a lot of purpose in that. i'm not one to like to stay in one place... not necessarily geographically... but in my mind/heart. i like to be busy, doing stuff. learning stuff... stretching myself. but it's also nice after being stretched for a long time... to just take it easy and take it all in too.
anyway, now i don't feel like writing anymore, because... i don't feel there's much more to say. other than i feel that this was almost pointless (maybe someone will get something out of this), and it was sort of all over the place (and yet, not). i'm not one for liking to express how i'm feeling, so this is the deepest i'm going. there you go. but i'm usually kind of open if you ask me yourself. anyway, this doesn't really apply to anything i'm writing here. it's just one of those days. i don't even know what i'm saying anymore. i should go to bed. ok, wow, it's early. but i'm going to bed anyway. well, this was a treat. uh... talk to you later?

my australian family

2008-04-22T22:29:00.003-05:00

this was my australian family.

of course, only 3 are aussies.

left to right: tim (aussie), dad (jonny- aussie), lisa (germany), auntie julanne (aussie), dorthe (denmark), kiwi (well, scott actually- new zealand), and erin (usa)... mom's missing (jonny's wife inez).

this is, was, and will always be my family. we went through everything together. it was "family group" at capernwray for my second semester. but we really were a family. we called jonny and inez "dad" and "mum"... and i still see them that way. these kids were my sisters and brothers. and julanne was the perfect auntie.

i have a picture of all of us kids on my dresser... we gave it to the "parents" for a parting gift at the end of semester. when i look at it... so many things go through my head and heart. so many memories, so many amazing bible studies together, so many amazing talks, so much good coffee together! we experienced the deepest part of life together. when i see that picture, i'm at home. we are all such different people with insanely different personalities... but i could not have been happier with a different family.

hey, australian family... you will always be my family.

what i do.

2008-04-17T22:31:00.008-05:00

i nanny.
and i love it.
kids are great. i was afraid that nannying might scare me away from being a mom one day. but, thank the lord for his good humour... it hasn't scared me yet.
yet, being the key word.
and thank the lord... those are key words too.
and humour.
anyway.
these kids are wonderful, crazy, fun, ADORABLE, sweet, hilarious, high-energy... yeah, all those wonderful things.
it's weird actually coming home from work and being tired. it's a good feeling.
it's awesome being a nanny. you're raising the next generation. and hopefully they'll be able to function in a social environment. it's great to see them grow... already the youngest (evan- 10 months) has gone from scooting along the floor, to crawling properly; from falling when hanging onto ledges alone, to going from one ledge to another with ease (well, most of the time); from gurgling to actually trying to make out proper words (still gurgles all the time though)... yeah. it's wonderful.
it's also great because i've taught wyatt (the older one... 2.5 years) the song "jesus loves me" and the prayer "god is great"... so whenever it's nap time and i ask what song he wants to sing, it's always jesus loves me. and when i tell him to pray at lunch time... he says, "god is great"... seeing them grow already, is such an encouragement.
it's just awesome to be a part of their lives at such a young age, teaching them things, learning from them, seeing them grow, and being a godly example to them. god give me the grace...
anyway, here are some pictures!

wyatt LOVES to play with my camera... and i let him. he likes posing for pictures... yay!

evan gets jealous that wyatt can play with the camera and he can't...

we had an "interesting" time decorating easter eggs... a semi-success?

they love each other... but don't always get along... but what are siblings for?

priceless.

here's the little sumo

i let wyatt play with the camera... he doesn't care what he's taking a picture of though... he just likes to press the button. needless to say, a lot of pictures of the ceiling are deleted (secretly, of course).

so, there's my life. i like it. god's using me in an unexpected way. it's good... because for a while there i was feeling pretty purposeless. god is faithful.

Missing friends...

2008-01-28T10:09:00.001-06:00

June 2006- Happy Birthday Janelle and Kristen!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

My dear Rebecca... why were you always trying to jump off high places?

I miss my friends! My dearest Janelle who is at uni in Ottawa, my lovely Rebecca who lives across the world in Australia, oh how i miss them. It's not the same without you guys!

GUESS WHERE I AM!

2007-12-14T15:25:00.000-06:00

HOME!

i'm back home in good old niverville.
so, basically you should give me a call and we should get together.
i'm not going to write my phone number on here because, well, it's the internet silly!
who does that?
anyway, get in touch, i want to see you ALL!

my life!

2007-11-22T03:21:00.000-06:00

the boys had a very special day for us girls... so here we are (the 4 seasons girls... not quite half the girls) all prettied up for our special dessert and dance night!

me, bec, and kaitlyn dressed up fancy for the dessert night the guys put on for us

the prac week team! well, there are some extras... but i won't name the whole team because that would be confusing. needless to say, i was the only girl on the team with english as a first language!

my prac week family! i was billeted with the pastor's family (in canberra) with my roomie lisa. here is me, lisa, alanna with ashley on her lap, kelly (mom), josh, jason (dad... and the pastor), and jesse

my prac week baby, ashley! i miss you!

the sydney opera house at night. beautiful!

the sydney harbour bridge at night. quite nice, i must say.

me and my roomies! keshia, lisa, and me. our girls 4 seasons party... here we are pigging out on ice cream. we also had a dance party and heaps of nachos and cheese! yum!

so, there was this one time that i shaved my head. then i found my soulmate (kaitlyn, far right) who also shaved her head! and now our hair is growing back. so, kaitlyn's hair turned 1 year old on november 11, and we decided to have a hair party! esther (the one in the middle) helped us. so, we decorated the dining rooms and played games after evening lecture. yeah, we are complete dorks. no worries, it's australia.

esther made cakes for us... this is my head.

and this is kaitlyn's head.

well, i hope you enjoyed my pictures! now you're almost caught up to date. the day for me coming home is drawing very near. beware, sooner than you think i will be back home and you won't know what hit you! watch out! and please be interested in hearing my stories... because i'll probably miss australia heaps when i come home. ok? sweet as.

2 week break!

2007-11-01T05:00:00.000-05:00

the girls... swimming in the pool of our burleigh heads holiday apartment (me, rebecca, kaitlyn)

rebecca and i on our last day in burleigh heads!

this picture was taken from behind a waterfall! my dream come true!

kaitlyn swinging on a vine in a rainforest we hiked through.

a typical part of our roadtrip... someone always playing the mini-piano. here ryan is serenading us girls... in the backseat of wanda... our wagon.

the girls! bec, me, kaitlyn

rebecca and i swimming in port macquarie... one of my favourite places in australia thus far.

school's almost out!

2007-10-31T01:35:00.000-05:00

g'day friends! well, i was going to send you all pictures, then the blog page was being funny, so i am not doing that anymore. i just thought i'd let you know that i'm coming home on december 11, 2007 around 11:58pm! so... basically i'll be back around midnight. so, just you wait, i'll be home sooner than you think! it's very exciting to be coming home just in time for christmas. well, i guess i'll go now. there's heaps to report and not enough time to report it in. just ask my sister! i just called her today! we're getting ready to go on prac week starting this friday... so pray for me as i'll be working with prostitutes, transvestites, and street people for 10 days on prac week. going from salvo's in sydney (salvation army) to "missionheart" in canberra. pray for us! and pray for accomodation for the boys... so far they're sleeping in the bus! i miss you all and can't wait to see you in about a month! wow!

ryan's birthday

2007-09-09T00:34:00.000-05:00

umm... not sure how to explain this one... left to right: ryan, bec, scott, me... umm, this is just how we are.

YES, FINALLY!

2007-08-31T03:54:00.000-05:00

Beginning of 2nd Semester, at Wollongong... so beautiful!

Not in any particular order... travel weekend (last weekend)... the power was turned off and there was food left in the fridge/freezer at the holiday house we stayed at. DISGUSTING! Here's Lara and Erin cleaning up. Good on them!

The beautiful holiday house we stayed at in Bateman's Bay for travel weekend.

Melbourne- three week break... went there with Bec, Johanna, and Ryan... awesome time!

One of the travel weekend crews! We had all these guys stay with us the first night, and a few other guys stay with us the second night. This is me, Ross, Erin, Lara, Tim, Sam, and Kiwi (aka- Scott). And we had Ryan, Joel, and a different Scott the 2nd night. So fun!

Me and Bec with the flowers we gave to Ryan and Scott (not Kiwi Scott)

End of Hillsong conference (3 week break), confetti everywhere!

Bec and me drinking our typical drink!

One of the first days of 2nd semester... Ryan, Bec, me, Joel, and Scott were bowling with the rest of the school. I got the lowest score. But isn't that what you want in bowling?

I wish.

Hope you enjoyed my pictures!

so, there was this one time...

2007-08-31T02:45:00.000-05:00

that i tried to post pictures on here... and it didn't work.

sad day.

but i am putting more pictures on my myspace, so take a look!

www.myspace/mcmahonkristen.com... or something like that.

so, til i can fix this issue, pictures are on my myspace. you can't comment on them unless you're my "friend" on myspace, but that'll have to do for now! just comment on here if you want. or send me an email! i love emails! ok, that's the deal. sweet as.

love, kristen

I'M BACK!

2007-08-28T02:25:00.000-05:00

so, after slaving away trying desperately to figure out this stupid blog, I DID IT! WOWWWWWY! so, needless to say, i'm back in the blogging world. not that i was ever very faithful at it, but i'm back! tell everyone you know that i'm back in action and ready to receive comments from around the globe. hopefully i'll one day take the time to update you all with pictures of my life here in good old oz-land! it's a dang good time out here, and i wouldn't change it for the world! but please let everyone you know who knows me that i'm eagerly awaiting some contact from the outside world! not like i don't get any, i'm just so excited that i'm finally back! woooooohoooooooo! now to all my estranged relatives (yes, aunties, i'm talking to you!), i'm here and there's no more need to ask my mother where i've gone! so don't leave me hanging! i can't wait to hear from all of you and hear how excited you all are that i'm back. and next time i'm on here, i'm sure there will be pictures coming along with me! good talking to you all again!
signing off,
kristen (the long lost blogger from the other side of the world)

more pictures! yay!

2007-03-06T04:07:00.000-06:00

this is my family group (minus the staff members... there are 3 staff members)... top row left to right: evan (canada), me, acacia (canada), jp (germany), bottom row left to right: rachel (usa), johanna (switzerland), tegan (canada), caeleb (australia).

i love this group. they are the greatest people ever. here we're about to go wombat chasing... after eating kangaroo steaks, of course. the best time ever! so far, the best times i've had here have been with my family group. i love them

here are only a few pictures so far! i'll have more sometime. it takes FOREVER to load them, so be happy with these for now. ok? if you have comments, send them my way! i love to hear from you.

catching the wombat! can you see the excitement on our faces? we were so happy to catch that wombat. dad, no worries, i don't think this wombat was about to use his ferocious teeth on us. he was freaked out of his mind.

this is fiji... i was almost on my last plane into australia... of course, this was taken long before the wombat pictures. i just like to confuse you all. fiji was absolutely gorgeous! the people and the land both. i wish i could've stayed there longer.

SYDNEY!

2007-03-03T05:23:00.000-06:00

i'm in sydney at this very moment. enjoying our travel weekend. it's weird being back out in the real world for a while. good, but different. i'm comfortable being on campus most of the time with the new friends i've made. but, it's very good to get away. of course, there's always drama going on since there are tons of girls. but, good times nonetheless.

basically what i wanted to say is that i saw the sydney opera house as well as the sydney harbour bridge. they are both beautiful! of course, the bridge isn't all that special, but the opera house is amazing. i took heaps of pictures, but i am not able to load them at the moment... such has been my life for the past month. well, soon, i assure you. you will then see what sydney looks like at this very minute! for now, i'll keep you in suspense!

i went to manly beach, which is beautiful, today. i didn't even go in the water however. there were a lot of blue-bottles... those are little jelly fish. they aren't deadly... but their sting is VERY painful. so, i didn't risk it. you all know how much i hate ocean life. but, i did enjoy the shopping and the shores of the beach. i enjoyed it so much that i got a little too much sun! but, that's not hard to do here in australia, seeing as the u.v. rays here are more powerful here than anywhere else in the world. well, i did put on some sunscreen... some.

tomorrow i'm back to campus. however, i'll also be visiting hillsong church with a couple of my girlfriends here. i'm so excited for that! for those of you who don't know hillsong, it's a huge church here in australia. their band also makes some of the best praise and worship music out there. and i'll be there tomorrow listening to a whole bunch of their new songs! i'm very excited to be visiting there.

well, in case you're wondering, i'm doing very well at school! my grades are very good. and i'm really enjoying it! talk to you later, and hopefully the next time i send a little message here, there will be pictures too! g'day!

picture... singular

2007-02-21T02:14:00.000-06:00

well, this is the only picture i have up so far. i forgot to bring my flashdrive with me to sydney, so this is all you're getting for now. but, this is basically one of the views i get to see every day. i can't remember what this place is called, but it's only a little ways from where i live. it's beautiful out here! aren't you jealous? well, there are more pictures coming when i get the chance. our internet at school is slow and very unpredictable. so, who knows when the next one will be coming. but rest assured, it'll come sometime.

anyways, it's going great out here. lonely at times, but good. well, i don't have much time to write now, but i thought i'd send out one single picture so you'd know that i'm actually here and not just hiding in my closet back in canada, saying that i'm in australia. good night!

away from home... long term

2007-02-04T23:04:00.000-06:00

I'M IN AUSTRALIA!

can you believe it? no, it's crazy. i know! i love it. it's so beautiful here. i'm sure most of you got my email already, and i don't have much time to write terribly much. i hope that soon i'll have email at the school so i can download pictures and post them up. but for now, you'll have to rely on my boring talking... and even that is rare. hopefully you haven't forgotten about me, since i hardly ever make posts on here. but i'm sure that as soon as the school has internet, i'll be able to update more. i find myself emailing people like crazy when i finally get to a computer (which is twice a week, and only for an hour). so, i usually email people at that time.

anyway, australia is gorgeous. the weather is incredible. it's funny though, because i prefer to wear long-sleeved shirts as well as pants, and the rest of the students and staff are in t-shirts and shorts. they're constantly making fun of me for that. or asking me if i'm not boiling! of course i'm boiling! i just hate t-shirts. anyway, that's my rant.

life is good. it feels like camp here though. it's weird to think that this is actually my lifestyle for just less than a year. weird, very weird. but, it's good. i'm missing friends and family a lot. it gets lonely at times, because i have a hard time opening up to people. so i like to keep feelings to myself, which makes it hard at times. but, God's opening my heart. of course, he's opening my heart to other areas of my heart... which is definitely painful at times! but, i know that as he works on my heart, it'll open more freely to those around me.

God bless you all! i miss you and love you. tell me how you're doing!

ps- my head is shaved... i have about 1/4 inch of hair. it's awesome. i love it. i'm daring... i guess.

reminiscing...

2007-01-10T14:10:00.000-06:00

i found this beautiful picture on the server at work yesterday. i thought it was hilarious. this picture was taken over a year ago while i was training for receptionist at nutri-health group. now i'm in the process of training again... but this time i'm in ruth's spot (not pregnant, however). i'm doing the training, and jenene is doing the learning. maybe she caresses my tummy too? no no no, silly.

anyways, it's just a hilarious picture, that's all. i love it.

some bittersweet news

2006-12-13T12:12:00.000-06:00

alas, this sunday marks the end of my employment at country snacks gas bar. i'm very happy about this, and yet sad. because i really enjoyed working there. i didn't enjoy going from a full day of work straight to another job, but i love the people! i loved working with my co-workers. i loved the customers that came in. i loved working for my bosses. it was good. but, as most things do, this must come to an end. i need to go home for an evening. spend time with my family. spend time with friends. so, it's a bittersweet event, but all in all i think it'll be worth it. yes, i will have less money coming in for australia... but i think i'll survive. yes, i will. happily, as a matter of fact. no more standing in the cold pumping gas, no more touque-flattened hair, no more gas smell, no more eating junk food constantly... it's a good thing. a great thing.

the other day, someone wrote me a myspace message... someone who i've known for quite some time from afar, but never really met. he's from niverville and he's a few years older than me. and he comes to snacks regularly. he sent me a message one cold, winter night after he had visited snacks... saying "thank you" for pumping his gas in the frigid cold. that made it worthwhile. i found that very special. i like people. they are great. this just proved that.

can't think of a title

2006-12-06T12:48:00.000-06:00

wow, it appears that i haven't had much to say in the last couple weeks.
weird.
i'm usually not at a loss for words.
well, to be honest, it's not because i haven't had much to say. just no time to say it.
but i have something to say now.
i'm going to australia in t-minus 51 days... which is just under two months. and... the job opening for my position at nutri-health group has now been filled. it will be great to have someone with me to train for a few weeks. nice to have company at this lonely desk of mine.
but it's more sad than anything.
i am replaceable.
i've grown to love my job (well, i loved it from the start). what i mean is that i've grown protective of my job. it's mine. this is a huge part of my life. nutri-health group is the place that i spend most of my time (well, the longest lengths at one time in a day, that is). i've made achievements in my job. the work-load has increased since i started working there. and i've been able to keep up with it. everyone is used to hearing my voice on the phone when they call. i have the ability to give nutri-health group a good first impression to those who call. and i am giving all this away to someone who will replace me. someone who is very capable of the job. someone who will make her mark on the company and become close to those same people i've become close to. someone who will replace me.
it makes me sad, that's all.
as i'm sure a lot of you know from past blogs, i have always dealt with fear. and i have only lately realized what another major fear of mine is. the fear of being replaceable. with friends, jobs, boys... i've always been afraid of being forgotten and replaced. with something or someone better. someone more exciting. more funny. more friendly. more beautiful. more of anything that i might not be. more of something i lack.
that's what i deal with. both now and in the past. right now it's just grown apparent to me that it's something i deal with. but, this too shall pass.

the new 'do

2006-11-22T14:37:00.000-06:00

What-About Wednesday?

2006-11-22T14:09:00.000-06:00

What could I possibly write about this beautiful Wednesday afternoon?
Something that the general public (being you, the one who is reading this) might not know about?
Something interesting in Kristen's relatively normal life.
Hmm, what could it be?
Could it possibly be that KRISTEN'S BEST FRIEND JANELLE IS GOING TO CALL HER TONIGHT ALL THE WAY FROM EQUADOR?
Yes, yes it's true! I kid you not!
Janelle, Kristen's long lost best friend is scheduled to be calling Kristen this evening.
It has been far far FAR too long since they last talked... the last time being the night before Janelle left... which was way back on November 2nd.
Yay! I am happy. I am excited! My energy has been renewed.

Debbie Downer

2006-11-14T14:31:00.000-06:00

Today my name is Debbie Downer. Or Negative Nancy, if you so prefer. These last couple weeks have just been trying. But alas, I am alive and I love life. So even with down days, life is still good. Because, well because God is still good.

I just haven't been quite myself as of late. What with Janelle being gone and all. As cheesy as it is, part of my heart left with her. I miss her a lot.

Lately I've just been thinking about leaving for Australia. And today I let Nutri-Health Group know of my last day with them. It makes me sad. I love working here. I love being in Niverville. I love my friends, my family, my situation. But, I know that I need to leave. Just for a while. I need to focus on other things. I need to focus on God more. I need to focus on who I am, what God wants for me, where my passions can be applied... etc. It will be good. All will be well. I am just very very sad to leave my friends. For most of my life, I just haven't attached myself to anyone. I like staying somewhat distant. Of course, I can share my heart and dreams, but part of me likes to keep to myself. Actually, part of me LOVES to keep to myself. I've just realized lately how attached I am to my friends. It's never really been like this before. With Janelle leaving, I got this whole shock at how much I miss her- simply because we shared everything together for these past couple years. And I had never had a friend like that before. Even with my other friends, I've just grown to love them all so much. And I am sad with the fact that they can't come to Australia with me.

But, God has a purpose for me. Every day. Now. And I want to live that purpose. I want to enjoy the time I have here before I leave, and be excited for what God holds in my future. Because I want him to take care of it, not me. He's just so much better at taking care of things than I am! And I want to let him in. And let him take control. Because he loves me.

My Halloween

2006-11-09T09:34:00.000-06:00

Kristen as Marilyn Monroe, Bones as himself, and Lana as Little Bo Peep... just a taste of my halloween with friends. You see, halloween is Bones' birthday. A year ago from this halloween, Bones was born. He showed up at a halloween party, and he's been a friend ever since. Basically this is an inside joke that I'm trying to explain to you all. Bones is a player, he likes the ladies. So, in this picture, he's definitely in his element. Two beautiful ladies kissing him on the... skull? Well, Bones, even though you're kind of deflating now, and Trisha and Beverly hate you, you are still loved by Lana and myself. You've become a special little part of our group. You may not be very handsome, but it's personality that counts, right? And you're welcome to attend any one of our Halloween parties. Well, you tend to make yourself welcome at whatever party you want to. You're one fun skeleton Bones!

when you're the best of friends...

2006-11-06T16:48:00.000-06:00

basically, i've got the best friends in the entire world. here's just to name a few (in no particular order):

janelle- my darling, where to start? you are amazing
bethany- my sister, i love you like no other
matthew- you are so fun and really great to talk to
jesse- sarcasm is the best humour (to a certain degree)
lana- beautiful, fun, peaceful, confident lana
trisha- you make any situation fun
beverly- when i want to laugh, i know who to turn to!
kevin- always singing, always dealing with life confidently
nick- amazing director, friend, accomplice (heh), confidante
marc gomez- can anyone say FUNNY?! i'm always smiling with you
caley- good at everything you do, just great to be around
stephanie- my mentor and friend, i love our times together
katherine- i love how we always pick up where we left off
jill and danae- i love you to pieces... all those times on grandma and grandpa's bed, talking, laughing, and sharing the deepest parts of our hearts with each other- no judgement, only love

you guys are all the best of friends. and you all mean the world to me! you are all so special and unique with such purpose! you all help me live life and enjoy life to the fullest. without you all, a special part of me would be missing. i'm so proud and happy to call you all friends- and not only friends, but best friends. i love you guys.

thompson'd

2006-11-06T15:18:00.000-06:00

so, i went to thompson this weekend. for a film festival. "the reel north film festival." it was basically really disorganized, but i had a lot of fun with friends. the strange thing was that we went to a mall in thompson (yes, thompson is actually pretty big... my friend marc stated that "thompson is the 3rd largest city in manitoba. however its population is steadily declining"... oh marc) and as we were walking around looking for random things, we felt everyone's eyes peering at us. it was as if we had huge stickers on our foreheads saying "OUTSIDER". very odd, i tell you. i've never felt so judged in my life. none of us did anything wrong, all we were doing was walking around the mall. but everywhere we went in thompson, we were glared at. maybe they were threatened by us because we are big-shot filmmakers... haha, rrrrrriiiiiiiiiight... well, all in all it was a lot of fun. scary driving home because for the first couple of hours outside thompson, it was pure sheets of ice. horrible. but alas, the weekend is over and i must get back to normal life. but we all had to admit that we appreciate winnipeg more now than before. i would be ok with not going back to thompson... unless my friends are going again. good fun time though, very very fun.

What-About Wednesdays

2006-11-01T14:23:00.000-06:00

Every Wednesday, one of my best friends, Nick Friesen (yes, also the director) hosts a radio show on 92.9 Kick FM (the college station). Check it out people. 1pm-4pm. Good music, funny guy... it's all good.

RENT, anyone?

2006-11-01T14:15:00.000-06:00

A heart can freeze
Or it can burn
The pain will ease
If I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live each moment as my last...

Sorry, just in a little bit of "Rent" mood... seen that movie? Well, all in all the message is good- not to judge people for what they do, that sort of thing. But, it's mostly about homosexuals and transvestites, and that sort of thing... Amazing music though. And those words above are from my favourite "Rent" song.

"...No day but today..."

best week of all time

2006-10-31T11:07:00.000-06:00

consider yourselves lucky, everyone. because you get to witness a blog about how this last week and weekend were one of the best i've ever had! yes, EVER! there are many reasons for this. 1. i was acting- and i'm confident with my performance, 2. i got to act and spend time with my sister for a day, 3. i got to dress up as marilyn monroe for a halloween social and got to hang out with my two best friends (janelle and matthew), 4. i got to hang out with my winnipeg friends and have a halloween party with them (and dress up as marilyn monroe again!), 5. the cast and crew on set were absolutely amazing! these are just a few reasons why this was the best week/weekend ever. i've never felt so sure about my acting career.
i've also never had such an exhausting week either. it's strange because now that filming is over (*shed a tear*), i've been able to get so much sleep (9-10 hours last night and the night before!)- and i feel more exhausted than i did when i would get 3-5 hours of sleep per night. weird. so, here's how filming ended up going (hours-wise): tuesday from 6pm-midnight, wednesday from 6pm-11:30pm, thursday from 2pm-7pm, saturday from 8:30am-6:30pm, and sunday from 8:30-7pm. crazy long nights and days. crazy short sleeps too! but, there is nothing i would've rather done.
it was incredible people. i can't stop talking about it or thinking about it. and you'd think that i would be really physically tired (or sick) by now, but i'm definitely more emotionally exhausted. believe me, you put EVERYTHING you have into each take. it's incredibly draining. and incredibly exhilarating at the same time. there's no experience like it. not for me, at least.
when i'm in australia, i'm going to miss this like crazy. i think i might just go insane. but, i know that i'm going to be there focussing on God. and when i can do that, i know that i'll be able to come home and really be a christian actress. not acting in christian movies- i keep telling people. but being a christian, and after that comes being an actress. i want to make wise decisions about roles i play, relationships that develop, things i say, and that sort of thing. just being a christian on set. that is the most important thing to me. and one of the most difficult things too.
well, that was my week! i didn't do a good job at explaining why it was so great, but believe me, it was one of the best weeks i've ever experienced. lovin' it!

the plot

2006-10-27T14:51:00.000-05:00

So, I said that once I get the chance, maybe I'd explain what this film is about. Remember? The one that I'm in? Right, that one. Here goes my explanation:

There's this girl, early twenties (played by moi). Her name is Chuck (short for Charlene). She's a pretty normal girl- works at an office job. Has a steady boyfriend of 3 years (his name is Lou)- they live together. So, one day she's getting ready to go to work and when she's about to put her shoes on, she suddenly forgets how to tie them. Then she's at work and forgets how to turn on a certain program on the computer that she'd normally turn on every day. Throughout the next couple of days, she is starting to forget very elementary things. Things she's done routinely or regularly for a long time. Then one day she forgets who her boyfriend is- he comes home from work and she has no idea who this guy is that's in her house. She freaks out on him and is scared for her life (because she has no idea what this guy is doing in her house). After this, she forgets how to drive her car. She has no idea what is going on or why she's forgetting things, when others around her tell her that she should know these things. She just has no recollection of certain parts of her life. She goes to a library to look up memory loss. She finds a book that explains a theory that states that when someone around the world learns something new, a different person forgets that very same piece of information. Like there is only so much allotted knowledge available to humans. She went to find the author of the book- who had gone through the same thing as her, as she found out. He didn't know who he was anymore. His nurse told Chuck to find help before she turned out like him. She leaves his house and while she is walking she is mugged. This man (played by Nick Friesen- the director) takes her wallet and learns her name and where she lives. When she wakes up after being unconscious (he knocked her out)- she has no idea who she is. She only discovers this when a girl (played by my sis- Beth) introduces herself to Chuck and Chuck has no idea how to reply because she doesn't know who she is. The film ends there. It's a short film- so there's usually no conclusion. You sort of make up your own ending.

So, there you have it. The plot of "Chuck Forgets" (film title). Sound interesting? Nick is hoping to enter it in NSI (National Screen Institute)- a film festival. Maybe it'll get in and maybe it'll be noticed? Who knows! Here's hoping. Still have two very full days of filming left. Early Saturday and Sunday mornings. I can't wait! It's such a blast. I love it. I live for this!

what-about wednesdays

2006-10-25T15:29:00.000-05:00

On this day in history- October 25th

...Johann Strauss was born (1825)
...Pablo Picasso was born (1881)
...Julia Roberts was born (1967)
...Postcards were first used in USA (1870)
...First electronic watch placed on sale (NYC- 1960)
...The Beatles begin their first full foreign tour (Sweden- 1963)
...Roy Disney dedicates Walt Disney World (1971)
...The first Youth for Christ rally is held at Bryant's Alliance Tabernacle in NYC (1941)

filming 101

2006-10-25T09:42:00.000-05:00

so, last night i filmed my butt off. it was the first filming day of this process. my dear sister, beth, was also acting alongside me. it was a great experience for her. it's her first acting experience in an independent film. she's used to filming school movies, or just fun little movies with friends. this was definitely different for her, in a great way.

however, her part is already wrapped (meaning, she's done filming for this movie)- she played a minor character alongside my character. and she did great. the crew filmed from 6pm til midnight. a long evening, but so worth it. we filmed in the cold the whole time. filmed one scene which took a few hours (brr!), went back to the director's (Nick Friesen) house to warm up (hot chocolate!) and prepare for the next scene, then went back out into the cold to film the next scene which took another couple hours.

do you want to know how the filming process works? well, first of all the director and producer have to organize the shoot. this includes working around actor's schedules, organizing which scenes to do and when, figuring out wardrobe and what days certain wardrobe is needed, and so so much more... i have no idea just how much more work is put into that. so, once everything is organized and it's time to film it, this is the next process: wide shots (shows all primary characters in a scene- not a close-up)- do a few runs of the wide shot til the director is satisfied with what he's getting. next is medium shot (from waist up on primary characters- a little closer than a wide shot)- do a few runs of the medium shot til the director is content. next is close-ups, run those a few times. then there is extreme close-ups (not always) and run those again a few times. so, if you do all these shots for each scene it takes quite a while! and if you have a few parts in each scene (or a few characters) it takes even longer. but the more times you do it, the more into the character you get. so, usually the best shots are the middle-last shots. it takes a while to get into it. but once you do, LOOK OUT! it's such a rush.

so, last night we shot two scenes. the first one (which is the second last scene in the film) was with my character and the director's character (he played a minor role- but had a major impact on my character). we have good on-screen chemistry. we've done scenes together before- and i love acting with him. i love being directed by him! he's amazing. so, we had a scene together and he had to beat me up by the end of it. of course, it's all fake, but it worked really really well! my legs are a little sore today from the cold and from the fake fighting. but other than that, it's great! and the next scene i did (which is with bethany- it's the last scene in the film) was on a swingset. beth did great, she was a bubbly teenager who was kinda lonely. and my character had just gotten mugged- didn't really care to hear about her story. my character was near tears by the end of the scene- which i was happy with because i was worried that i wouldn't be convincing. but i was very satisfied with how i did. of course, it took a while to get into the groove of the character, but once i was in, i was in! the crew is just so encouraging too. they affirm me every shot, which makes me feel better about how i'm doing. and they crew is amazing at what they do. they were quite amazed with the fact that beth hadn't taken any acting lessons. i think they really like the mcmahon girls!

anways, this post is quite long enough! i'll keep everyone posted on how filming continues to go. and maybe eventually when i've got more time, i'll fill you in on what the film is about! over and out!

this busy week

2006-10-23T10:10:00.000-05:00

wow. this week is one crazy week for me! i'm filming an independent film in winnipeg with some u of w students/grads. here's what this week looks like for moi:

tuesday: 8:45am-5:15pm = working at NHG, 6:00pm-? = filming in winnipeg
wednesday: 8:45am-5:15pm = working at NHG, 6:00pm-? = filming in winnipeg
thursday: 8:45am-1:00pm = working at NHG, 2:30pm-? = filming in winnipeg
friday: 8:45am-5:15pm = working at NHG, 8:00pm-1am = janelle's sister's wedding halloween social
saturday: 8:30am-all day = filming in winnipeg, 8:00pm-late = halloween party with friends
sunday: 8:30am-all day = filming in winnipeg, after= filming with friends

after this week, maybe i'll be able to relax? maybe... we shall see what next week holds!

what is so wrong with just being ME?

2006-10-19T12:40:00.000-05:00

ok, ok. i know. i'm weird. maybe some people just don't understand weirdness. i'll tell you what i think- i don't understand what's so wrong with being weird!

sorry, i went off on a little rant there. back to the topic at hand. people are hard to please. let's face it. i mean, honestly, i don't think that I'M hard to please. but, society in general... is DEFINITELY hard to please. someone PLEASE tell me WHAT IS WRONG WITH BEING ME? why oh why do people struggle so much with wanting to be someone else. or being jealous of others because of that person's body, or financial situation, or boyfriend/girlfriend, or home life, and on and on and on and on.

we are so obsessed with being someone else that we've forgotten who we are! WHAT?????? how could someone forget who they are? um, easy. we keep trying to be someone we're not. i'll be honest here. i want to be an actress one day. well, i am an actress already- working on plays and films. but, seriously, i think that there are TONS of amazing actors/actresses out there who aren't trying to act as a career. they're acting to survive! acting like someone else. someone more popular. someone who all the guys/girls like. someone who gets more attention. someone who will make them feel more important. someone who will make them forget about the lonely, self-conscious, sad, unimportant person that they are.

let me tell you this- IT'S ALL BULLSHIT! i don't swear very often, but i feel i must in this case. please don't take offence. you are important! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! the person you pretend to be is NOT important. YOU are the one with the beautiful heart that has been hurt many many times over and over. stop believing the lie that you are not important, or beautiful, or loved, or likeable. AND START BELIEVING THE TRUTH THAT GOD HAS CREATED YOU A PECULIAR TREASURE WHO IS CHERISHED AND LOVED AND IMPORTANT AND UNIQUE!

peculiar (def.)- particular: unique or specific to a person or thing

- markedly different from the usual

- characteristic of one only: distinctive or special

i, for one, would WAY rather be peculiar than be the usual. wouldn't you?

what-about wednesdays

2006-10-18T11:37:00.000-05:00

-"the raccoons"-

i must admit that this show was one of my favourite shows back in the day. back in the day when i played and played all day long- not a worry in the world. back in the day when stripes and polka dots were considered a perfect match. back in the day when i believed that ninja turtles lived in the sewers. back in the day... back in the day. those were good days. i miss those days. i miss "the raccoons". i miss being a kid. but i love that those "back in the day" moments have brought me to where i am today, and maybe... just maybe some of those moments have helped me become who i am now? well, maybe not the ninja turtles. but definitely "the raccoons".

"run with us"- "the raccoons" themesong:

when darkness falls, leaving shadows in the night,

don't be afraid, wipe that fear from your eyes.

if a desperate love keeps on driving you wrong,

don't be afraid, you're not alone . . .

[chorus:]

you can run with us! we've got everything you need . . .

run with us! we are free!

come with us! i see passion in your eyes . . .

run with us!

when the cold wind blows, turn your collar to the cold.

don't be ashamed, if you need someone to hold.

if you're sinking in quicksand, and it's dragging you down,

and you feel you're going under, we'll be around!

[chorus]

when you're behind closed doors, all alone, by yourself,

and you're longing inside to be somebody else;

you pick up the telephone, and there's no one on the line.

don't be afraid; 'cause there's still time

Some days you just have to

2006-10-16T11:45:00.000-05:00

breathe.

i can safely say that i am probably one of the worst people for being busy ALL THE TIME. it's not always a bad thing, because i get to be with a lot of my friends and family. i like seeing people. i like knowing how they're doing. i like telling them how i'm doing (most of the time). but sometimes i forget that it's ok just to be alone.

no thinking. no talking. just breathing.

i like to keep busy. it makes me feel important. it makes me feel like i don't have time to think about what's going on in my life. and usually i like to be busy. i like pleasing people, not always for the right reasons, but i like to please them nonetheless. it's so hard for me to say "no" to people when they ask for a favour. not that i'll blame my busy-ness on others, i'll just blame it on my people-pleasing problem. hmm.

obviously, being busy isn't always good. being too busy can make me sick. it can make me avoid what's going on in my head or heart. it can make me go crazy. it can make me feel drained.

i don't like feeling drained. i like being excited about life and ready for whatever gets thrown at me. but when i'm drained, there's no energy to care. and i like to care. not caring to the extent of obsessing on how to keep people pleased with me. just caring. plain old caring.

well, i guess i don't have much of a point to this topic. just ranting. maybe just trying to encourage others that it's ok not to always feel like you need to give of yourself. maybe that sounded selfish. and i don't mean to sound selfish. but, to be honest, sometimes we just need to take time for ourselves. just to take a breather. just to rest. just to be. if we cannot take time just to be alone, we won't be able to give of ourselves because we'll have nothing left to give. take time to rest. you'll enjoy life more if it's at a slower pace.

i forgot to mention this...

2006-10-12T16:58:00.000-05:00

there's another new blogger on the block. her name's stephanie. and she is a charlatan. and she gave me CRAP for not mentioning her new blog in my last post. SORRY steph. you do mean a lot to me. even if we're not blood related, you're still my sister.

soooooooo.... after saying all that, here's her link:
http://likethenight.blogspot.com/

like it, love it, can't get enough of it.

Blogging Buddies

2006-10-10T16:23:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all

We've got a couple new bloggers in town. Eric (my brother... who is not so "in town"... in fact, he's in Thailand) has a blogspot. It goes like this: http://ericmcmahon.blogspot.com/

My sister, who is a-livin' at home with moi and our parents also joined the blogging fun. Here's her blog link: http://bethanyjade.blogspot.com/

Check out what's going on in their lives. And leave a comment or two...

By the way, it's snowing out in cheery Niverville. Feeling a little Christmas-y? I guess we'll just have to deal. Hmpf.

party on dudes

2006-10-05T12:59:00.000-05:00

woo!

today is my friday! "but, it's thursday," you say... uh, yeah, i can read a calendar. but, i'm not working tomorrow! therefore, today = friday (for me). sleepover with my best friend tonight! party on dudes, see you on the flip side.

the healing begins

2006-10-03T10:32:00.000-05:00

today is a new day. and i'm feeling better altogether. not great, but better. if anyone who reads my blog doesn't know this, my boyfriend and i broke up this past weekend. it's been a rough few days. but God is faithful. and as my dear friend ruth always says: "God's grace is sufficient." it is sufficient. joel is an amazing guy, which makes the break-up hurt even more. his heart is so sincere and beautiful. i will forever cherish our time together (practically 2 years... wow), and he will always be special to me. and now it's God's time in my life and joel's. it's God's turn to hold us in his arms and begin the healing process. i'm believing for complete healing. it may be a tough journey, but i know it is possible. some people say that once you give your heart to someone, a little piece of you is gone forever. i don't think that's true. God will heal me completely and my heart will again be renewed and pieced together little by little. one day, it will be whole again. nothing missing. but please keep my in your prayers, and especially keep joel in your prayers. he is one special man, a true man after God's own heart.

2006-09-29T15:48:00.000-05:00

Today is one of those days.

Slow day at work... causes one's mind to wander...

Wondering about purpose, things to come, love, character, and the list goes on.

It's just one of those days.

I wish it wasn't one of those days.

But God has a purpose for me.

He has a purpose for me not only when I feel like it, but when I'm in the lowest point of my life.

Is it true, I wonder?

Yes, God says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The Show Must Go On

2006-09-28T09:57:00.000-05:00

This is how I felt yesterday: Too many things to think about, don't want to deal with anything. Life is so busy, and my mind isn't even here.

And the lunch-break came around. I went outside for a walk. I needed to get my car fixed, so I brought it to the shop and walked back to work. The clouds were ominous, hanging over town like they might just burst into rain. But there was also sun. There were ominous dark grey clouds, and in between those clouds there were little patches of sunny blue sky. It started to drizzle. Almost like a misty drizzle. You could hardly feel the rain because it was so faint, and yet when you felt your jacket it was soaked.

Yesterday's weather was a lot like how I was feeling. The rain clouds in my heart seemed so heavy and weighed on my soul. And yet, God was there. Like the sun peeking through the darkness, God was trying to show me that he was still there. The rain was refreshing. It wasn't a cold rain, but a crisp rain. It was like God's renewing rain was pouring down. Ever so softly, so it was hardly felt. But my skin was soaked from it. It was a beautiful picture of how I felt. And as I was walking back to work, I really felt God's presence and how he was with me. Even though my heart was aching, he was with me.

Psalm 13:5 says "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."

I choose to trust in God's unfailing love and rejoice in his salvation.

When the truth is I('ll) miss you...

2006-09-26T12:20:00.000-05:00

My beautiful best friend. You mean so much to me. Since we became best friends, nothing, not even distance has come between us. And now you're leaving, and I'll be leaving. You are one of the people I will miss the most, and you happen to be the person that I won't see for the longest time out of everyone. We've been apart for a few months at a time, but not this long. And whenever I think about how long we'll be separated, I can't help but worry. You are truly the best friend I have ever had. You are so dear to me. I truly hope that this length of time and the distance between us won't put any strain on our friendship. You have been there for me through things that I thought I would always be alone on. You are so special. Such a beautiful and gentle spirit, you have. That has touched my heart. Your friendship has touched my heart. I will miss you so much, sweetie, but I know that when we get that rare chance to talk, it'll be as if no time has passed between us. It'll be so hard not to be able to talk with you as often, or laugh with you as often, or be our crazy selves as often... but I know that God is leading us in the directions we are going. He will take care of you. He will take care of me. And he holds our friendship in his hands. You are special, and God has amazing plans for you. And I will miss you so much! Sometimes I think that I'll miss you more than anyone else will. I don't think it's possible for anyone to miss you as much as I will. But, you will always always be in my heart and in my prayers. I love you, my dear Janelle.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

2006-09-25T14:34:00.000-05:00

Psalm 139:13-16

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

This verse has always been the closest to my heart. There are a few verses that I could list that would be considered close to my heart, but none closer than this one. Try and try as I might, I never seem to fully live by this verse. When I read this verse, I am constantly reminded that God created me uniquely and beautifully. I have been created- knit together- by a most precious and gentle creator. All my life I have struggled with self-worth. Am I a beautiful person? Am I lovely? Do people like me? Will I do anything extraordinary with my life? These questions have haunted my every step in life. Every day I face these questions. I have struggled with outward beauty more than inward beauty, I can honestly say. Always judging myself. And I noticed that when I judged myself, I would start to judge others. Comparing myself... even comparing myself to my best friend! I look at people and think "Oh, if only I had a body like hers" or "If only I was as proportioned as her" or "Wow, she definitely doesn't know how to dress to her body-type". On and on and on and on. It's this horrible cycle of judgement. Sometimes the judgement made me feel better about myself. But, most often, it made me hate myself even more.

But when I read this verse- this beautiful, RENEWING verse- I start to look at myself through God's eyes. And once I learn to do that, I start to realize that God isn't just saying all these amazing things about me. He is saying these reviving words to every woman and man, old or young, in the whole world. It's such an intimate, personal statement from God's heart. It captivates me every time I read it, because it is so intimate, and yet he is saying it to every one of his children. But, that doesn't make it any less personal. It makes it more personal. Because you start to realize that God not only created you so uniquely and beautifully, but he created every single person inside and out. He created in each person a different personality, a different DNA, a different way at looking at life, a different twinkle in their eye, not one thing the same in any two people. That is when I really learn to love people with the kind of love that God has for them. When I realize that he has created every person fearfully and wonderfully... in a different way.

4 MONTHS LEFT!

2006-09-25T12:18:00.000-05:00

Well, as you know, I am leaving for Australia in a short time. To me, it doesn't seem very soon as of yet. But, I know the day will come quicker than expected! But today marks 4 short months before I'll be hopping on a plane for a two-day flight (or flights- plural) down to Aussi! I'm leaving on January 25th, 2007 and I'll be arriving in Sydney on January 27th. I'm going from Winnipeg to Minneapolis to L.A. to Fiji... then finally to Sydney! I'm sure by the time I get to Sydney, my body won't know what to do with itself. Australia is 15-16 hours ahead of Manitoba time... and that's confusing for my poor body. I'm sure the first few days of Cape will be a huge blur.

So, that's my Aussi fill-in for the day. 4 months left! Where has all this time gone?

God made us sisters, Hearts made us friends

2006-09-22T14:09:00.000-05:00

Sisters are some of the most wonderful people God could've ever created. Every relationship between people is special in some way, because no two relationships are alike. You talk about different things, you joke about different things, you act a little differently, etc. Sisters are special. Their bond is like no other. Just like my bond with my sister, Bethany Jade. Wow... Bethany Jade. With such a beautiful name as that, she must be gorgeous! I bet you're saying that to yourself right now. And guess what! You're completely right! She's beautiful. She's so beautiful. The next time you see her, tell her that she's so beautiful. So often, as Christians, we tell ourselves to love people because of who they are on the inside. And, yes, that is so important. We need to love people for their hearts. But, sometimes we're so focussed on looking on the inside of a person, that we forget to tell them how beautiful they are ON THE OUTSIDE TOO!

HELLO! God didn't just create the inside of a person, he created their outward body too! And there is NOTHING wrong with celebrating that. So, anyways, I totally went off on a different tangent than I had planned. Back to the sister topic...

My sister is amazing. We have a most unique relationship. We're far enough apart in age to get along really well, and close enough in age to still have a lot of similarities in where we are in life. Bethany is great. We can go for a long time seeing each other not much more than just in the morning before we go to work or school, and still talk about deep issues when we finally get the time. It's like no time has passed since the last deep conversation. And when the two of us get together, we are SO crazy! We laugh alike, joke alike, say the same things, talk in (fake) different languages and ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND each other... and all that jazz. When people see us together, they know we're sisters. Well, that or they think we're straight from a mental institution. Close enough. We're so alike when we're together, but so incredibly different when we're running our own separate lives. It's weird, but it works. God has created us specially for each other. I couldn't have asked for a better sister. We're two peas in a pod, we are. I can't say that I've always appreciated my sister, sometimes I just get plain annoyed with her. But, we get over it. We move on. And I thank God for my sister. Because without her, life just wouldn't be as sweet. I love you Bethany. You will always hold a special place in my heart.

My Purpose

2006-09-19T13:50:00.000-05:00

"Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, oh Lord, the God of truth"
Psalm 31:5

The Psalms contain some of my favourite verses in the Bible. You know why? Because they were written out of such honesty and desperation, at times. They came straight from the heart. And sometimes, being the good Christian I try to be... I like to avoid any harsh feelings I might feel toward God. I like to hide them in the depths of my heart. Always knowing they are there, but feeling like God doesn't really know they're there. Well, what do I know? Of course he knows they're there.

I want to be like David, a person after God's own heart. And you know why David was considered a man after God's own heart? Because he expressed the very depths of his own heart to God. He didn't hold back or hide. He got passionate about God, he got angry with God, he was totally in love with God, and he spoke out of such desperation with God. Sometimes we have to face our desperation and forget our pride and kneel before God with all that is within us and say, "Here it is God. Here I am. There may not be much here. I think I might've ruined every hope you ever had for me. But, here I am anyways."

When you're at that point in your life, which I know we all have been at, God works wonders. Because when we finally admit our faults and give up our pride, God is able to take control. I have struggled with control issues my entire life. And I mean my ENTIRE life. I've always been very VERY stubborn. I hated to admit that I was wrong. So, I usually didn't admit I was wrong. I would ignore people if they told me I was singing the wrong lyrics to a song. I would tell people that they were wrong when they said that the seeds on a strawberry were yellow and not black, like I believed they were. And I hated, more than ANYTHING, if someone told me I was stubborn. Oh, did I hate that.

But, I can now admit that I am stubborn. And always have been. I encourage myself daily to open my heart to what others say. Because I may think that being stubborn with people doesn't affect my relationship with God. But it does. I've had to face that fact many a time. If I am stubborn with others, I will be stubborn with God too. Once I open my heart to people, I can start to really open my heart to God. But, I've been realizing something even more important: once I start to open my heart to God, I can open my heart to people. Not necessarily conforming to their opinion, but letting God decide what is truth and what are just opinions. I want God's truth to reign in my life. I have to commit myself to him daily or I, rest assured, will get caught up in my own stubbornness and pride. I have to commit my spirit to him daily so that I can be a beacon of light to those around me. Amen

just a few pictures of my life...

2006-09-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

now this beautiful lady standing next to me is my ultimate best friend. janelle (on the right). ain't she gorgeous? and she isn't just beautiful, she's brilliant too!

these are some of my best friends in the world. (standing left to right) trisha, kevin, and matthew, (sitting left to right) beverly, jesse, me, stephanie, and lana.

more pictures to come, i'm sure...

my first blog

2006-09-18T11:36:00.000-05:00

hello blog lovers
this is my first post as a blogger. i hope to be a part of the group. i hope to keep up with this blogger because i'm not always too good at it. but, i love looking at other people's blogs... so maybe that'll inspire me. and i really wanted to start a blogger before i go to australia. i'm going to australia at the end of january. australia. ah yes. in a little over 4 months. so, basically i'm just posting something right now so i have something to work with. enjoy!